Monday, November 30, 2009
Early morning wake up accompany Boyfriend go bus-stop,
but ended up is he accompany me wait for 187 :)
Thanks Boyfriend!i miss you tons after ii get on board!
well ii left myself with my Psp player only..music player SPOILED!
listen to songs when im on bus..messaging with Boyfriend.
well he asked me to sleep first..but ii guess its hard..
because im without him.his arms.and mostly his hand to hold.
feel so alone.so lonely without you.ii guess im ADDICTED to you!
please come back fast this week!because im waiting for you..
Reached home jiu went to room and lie on bed..
ii wake up at 6am!soo tired now!sleepy too~miss him tons!
wake up around noon..messaging with Boyfriend again!!
well ii guess ii really really wish to become yours now!love you too deep.!
but somehow im so scare to lose you..because you haven go out work.
still serving army..if one day you went out working..meet someone else..
will ii be the one to let go.?or will that someone be the one to leave.?
Boyfriend ii really wish to know how much you love me now..
during past your answer will always be..love you most and willing to marry you.
but im not sure of your answers now..ii feel insecure now..WHY!?
[Will You Be The One]
will our love lasting till the end?
will our names be on the lists of ROM?
will you love me till the world ends.?
Labels: will we...?
what we could have been, 3:18 AM.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
wooots!ii love Boyfriend!today he not booking in~
weee~going watch our favorite show!
well we didn't really went any place only walkwalk..
Yesterday his grandparents went home le..
don't know what's the reason for them to go off so fast.
well today we have the room to us!thanks Brother~
hmmm don't know why ii started crying when Boyfriend's sleeping.
ii don't know why ii suddenly feel like marrying to him..
hahahahahas~stupid and silly ideal of mine right.?ii know that :(
well sometimes ii wonder will me and him really get marry in future?
Boyfriend what you think.?what's your answer for me.?
seeing pris so happy with her family now..im happy for her too.
envy her and mao too..wonder can me and you be like them.?
own family.own wedding.own baby..?
Boyfriend what's your answer for me now.?can we?
[Is happiness really a path for me?]
i want my happiness to be you..
but will your happiness be me.?
Labels: do happiness really a path for me.?
what we could have been, 2:25 AM.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
hello everyone..im going out soon.~
meeting my lovely Boyfriend soon.im missing him.!
well we will be going over *chua chu kang* for some walkwalk.
its my ideal to go there and check out that mall~hahahas!
well somehow ii guess mother will be angry with me.
because im going out this few days..ii guess mother will scold.
but promise to come home soon not later than mid-night alright.?
im going bring comic to read while im on the way there to boyfriend's house.
hope his grandparents will treat me like past.because i like them!
Labels: im going out with Boyfriend~
what we could have been, 1:23 PM.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Went down to *hougang mall* with Boyfriend.
we went there to find his ipod casing :)
well the whole thing cost around 50 dollars.inside got screen protector.
i saw MiaoHua..working there.soo surprise to see her.
well after that we headed home straight..
tonight Boyfriend got to book in.soo come home eat lunch..
then head over to his place le..
Reached his house.he quickly add more songs to his ipod.
because the last time there's only 70+ songs only~
well after adding..Boyfriend cooked maggie for me~my Favorite mee!
he always know what's best for me..hahahahhas~loves!
after eating Boyfriend changed shirt to the army one le..NOT NICE!
because its the new uniform!i loves the old one on you not the new one!
didn't get my chance to take photo of him..will do it on sunday!
his grandparents suddenly come over to his house :(
well ii don't feel good..due to some personal things that happened.
ii don't wish to talk about it here..only "Joker Boy-friend" know~
after he done everything we headed over to *woodlands*.
Boyfriend make spoiled my music player..soo he will get me some comics!
hahahahahahahas~thank you alot my dear!loves!muackx!
after buying Boyfriend send me go take bus..
then he meeting his friend at the bus-stop where his bus is.
i miss him as ii let go his hand..ii don't bear!ii want him more!
Labels: Boyfriend Book in
what we could have been, 1:07 AM.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
im waiting for Boyfriend to book out..
he's coming back home this evening...
wanna fetch him there but was being reject.
well ii know he care for me but just wish to see you early.
hmmm ii later go over his house awhile then come home.
hurry come back to my side..
im missing you badly.!
Labels: missing Boyfriend only~
what we could have been, 1:37 PM.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
24.11.09 - 25.11.09
I'M BACK HOME!!home sweet home now~~
well ii missed home when im at there.night can't sleep.
keep turn and turn.listen and watch movie on Boyfriend's ipod.
well Boyfriend did visit me on 24.11 the first day im there.
and "Joker Boy-friend" come down too~loves all his jokes and chats.
parents was there all along till mom went home @ 7pm plus.
ii was sleeping there alone.because Boyfriend can't stay.
i miss everyone at home..mostly Jie and Dad~both of them were the one..
who ii can find when ii can't sleep during midnights..but during the night..
in there..ii can only hug my pillow and cry..medicine was inserted.
im feeling the pain all along when the first pill went in..all ii could was wait..
during midnight around 1am ii went to toilet..ii saw something coming..
soo ii hurry called.and it was out @ 1.10am.everything clear @ 3am.
injection given to me was PAINFUL.my hand was with needle and tube~
my hand even bleed and the bag of water have my blood flowing in..
they press the water back to my needle into my hand..it really hurts badly!
but ii can only bear with it.well ii called Jie to chat till 5am plus ii think..
around that timing ii knock off..sleepy already..but can only sleep for 1hour!
because ii will be pushed in OP @6am.everything ended @ 7.30am..
when they ask me wake up for breakfast..after that ii knock off again~~
by the time ii wake up again was lunch time..my head stil feel heavy.
guess the "Ma Jiu Yao" haven gone yet..so tired too..
eaten abit of lunch then wait for parents to come fetch me home..
well..what ii could say was everything is still so clear staying in my mind!
im going turn in.too tired to even watch tv show...
g
o
o
d
n
i
g
h
t
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Labels: painful.hurtful.sad days.
what we could have been, 12:32 PM.
Monday, November 23, 2009
FINALLY 100DAYS OVER!
well ii wake up early today because its 100days already!
we going up to *lim chu kang* to pray grandfather.
headed to grandmother's house first then daddy drive up.
at the moment ii open my eyes its only 7.30am!!EARLY!
reached grandmother's house around 8am plus ii guess..
feeling soo weak!run to vomit..who knows its all my gastric juice!
well totally not feeling well but still have to go pray..
feel soo weak cant really stand that well when we are praying.
everything ended at 11.30am!fucking early too~thought its noon!
well went back to grandmother's house when everything over.
once we reached ii headed straight to sleep..but who know im on sofa!
grandmother ask me go her room to sleep on bed.so mom.jie & me go.
around evening then ii wake up.eaten lunch then message Boyfriend.
well ii miss him tons you know~hahahahahahahas :)
Boyfriend tml going book out in evening time..soo mostly he will be coming.
tml have to wake up damn early too~because by 7.30am ii have to reach!
soo
im
going
to
sleep
now..
im way too tired le~
Labels: finally 100days over..
what we could have been, 12:20 AM.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Well today was soo randomly ii suddenly feel soo down.
like my whole mood went up to the highest then drop to the lowest.
ii guess only me who know this feeling ba..right Boyfriend?
ii think my mood was being affected by him.
because actually he told me we are meeting.might be going out.
but well last time everything was cancel :( im speechless.
ii know for my character ii wont force him out to meet me.
but well ii somehow miss him tons.but guess its just only my feeling.
ii think he wont even feel the way im feeling now..guess he don't even know.
why my that "Joker Boy-friend" have to be in camp!
hate his camp!if not at least he will accompany me today!
that stupid sir of his!ask him go back do duty!stupid camp!!
well my Lover's Boyfriend going oversea for camp too.
bet my Lover will be missing and worrying for him everyday!
but well Lover me and jie will be there when your lonely~
we can always meet you anytime and anywhere!miss you tons!
as for Xiwei do take care when your there alright.?must come back safely!
sorry ii don't really have any mood or feeling to update anything else..
ii wonder will Boyfriend change his mind and ask me to meet him later..
to me that % is very very less..maybe its only 0.1% / 100%.
goodbye.today wont have anything for update :(
Labels: im not in that mood of yours.
what we could have been, 1:09 PM.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Dearest Boyfriend iloveyou...
Do you know that your message stabbed through my heart.?
Do you know how much effort i'm really putting in this time round?
Do you know i'm willing to do everything for you and only for you?
But why do you have to say things so ugly.?
why do you have to hurt me so painful.?
ii really don't bear to say "End" this word.you should know too.
ii really don't bear to "Let Go" guess you could feel it too.
ii really don't bear to do this two things was because im truly in love with you.
ii hope you know.and ii hope you can feel it too.
ii miss you badly now..ii really do.but ii guess your not..
Labels: i feel im being stabbed..
what we could have been, 2:24 AM.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Boyfriend told me something ii somehow get so sad with..
he said he mostly can't be there on 24.11.09 with me.
at first he told me he will find many ways just to be there..
but now everything sound so empty..like everything was fake.
i really hate this feeling.it make me feel like im all alone!
now can only pray hard you can get a leave on that day alright.?
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"Joker Boy-Friend" suddenly told me something weird.
but im sad about it too :( he suddenly just ask me don't get that close with him.
because he was too scare to fall in love with me like our past.
but when he say that im feeling sad you know.?ii don't want to lose a closest friend!
and by now your the only one who's most close to me!
your the only one who know my everything!so do i know yours.
please stop saying your leaving or going get a gap within us alright.?
Labels: saddness truth..
what we could have been, 3:40 AM.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Later going plaza for my dinner with Daddy and Jie :)
soo happy!its been soo long since we went out for dinner!
im missing Boyfriend!sorry that we didn't get to talk on phone.
maybe ii wish to be alone...
Labels: went out for dinner~
what we could have been, 2:37 AM.
Monday, November 16, 2009
you know how much im hating a fucker?
a guy who made all this shit to me and now.?
ii have to clean his fucking mess!thanks for his stupid ideal!
when we together he wanted to marry me badly.
but he never think of my own thinking and ideal!
only know what to do can make me tied to him always!
this kind of mind and thinking can give me happiness.?
now thanks to you!ii have to kill the little "B" i have!
please go fucking clear your mind and thinking!
message you asked you to pay the fee for the course.
you didn't even FUCKING REPLY!what kind of guy are you!
a guy have everything he want and run away.!?
YOUR A FUCK-UP GUY I EVER KNOW!
Labels: The Fucker of the world
what we could have been, 1:18 AM.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
*GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE*
ii didn't put in any hope because ii know the result will be the same.
your are all one family.soo ii know the answer will be the same with yours.
but ii don't know why my heart feel soo painful now..im so down.
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Waited for Boyfriend to book out :) he going home first then rest also..Boyfriend book out @12pm.he went home first and told me he's tired wanna rest.soo ii let him go sleep first then late evening then meet him at *Town*.ii called him at 6pm plus then he wake up sia!hai~damn late!soo hurry go out.well ii reached *Plaza Sing* first soo waited Boyfriend at the bus stop he get down.well we headed to eat what im craving for!LONG JOHN SLIVER!wooots~hahahas :)Boyfriend know im craving for their fries soo he added extra fries for me~yeah!after eating we headed into Plaza Sing..we tonight going watch at GV :)hahahahahas.We watched [Paranormal Activity].well its sad for the ending but kinda scary too~Labels: painful..
what we could have been, 3:57 PM.
Friday, November 13, 2009
CAN I FUCKING DO THIS?
Everyday im using my tears to wash my face.
Everynight im crying to sleep just like taking sleeping pills.
im really really getting soo down and getting soo tired of stress.
"B" im sorry ii really can't help to keep you with me.sorry.
been waiting for "Joker Boy-friend" to book out!
its been whole day and night!its 9pm plus then he reached home!
well waited for him to get ready and call me..who knows!
he's waiting for my call and im waiting for his call!hahahahahas~
end up ii called him and ask him what time going out wors?
then he say NOW!hahahahahahahas~ii rush down to meet him..
know what.?! we both don't even know where we are going!yet we come out!
hahahahahahas~hmmm can say im used to it le ba.if everything planned..
not my "Joker Boy-friend" le!hahahahahas~
End up planned to go *Town*.By the time we meet its just nice 12AM!!
we went to take bus 163 towards *Compass Point* then "Joker Boy-friend"
went to top-up his ez-link.after that we took cab down.buy our movie ticket..
watching (2012) at 3.50am!fucking early right the timing!hahahahahas!
ended our movie at 6.30am!ii see the sun you know!people go work we going home!
hmmm we both planned to go take train!hahahahahas~reached *Compass Point*..
at 7am plus!wooots~we going home by bus :) goodnight im going sleep le.!
Labels: B im sorry..
what we could have been, 3:26 PM.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
ii went to KK Hospital for my check up..
the result was what im hopping to see. "H" is healthy and normal~
well im happy to see "H" in there.soo small yet soo cute..
im falling in love with "H" that photo.the nurse gave it to me.
but the truth is "H" don't even know he's going to die on 24.11.09.
on that day he will be out and forever leaving me...
soo what "H" is healthy.?so what "H" is normal.?no one wants him.
im sorry.there's too much i have to go through..im tired.stressed.depressed!
no one knows the feeling of killing it even when you have the chance..
to let him live.no one knows how it feels when you see him yet..he have to die!
im everyday crying..everyday thinking.
im getting depression ii guess...
Labels: die on 24.11.09
what we could have been, 1:10 AM.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I LOVE THIS SONG...FOR "B"
It's a shame that it had to be this way
It's not enough to say I'm sorry
It's not enough to say I'm sorry
Maybe I'm to blame
Or maybe were the same
But either way I can't breathe
Either way I can't breathe
All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way
I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive
Cause everything were been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by
All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way
All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way
And every, everything isn't only
What it seemed so hold these
Words that you never told me
Its time to say goodbye
Its time to say goodbye
Its time to say goodbye Goodbye
Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong
Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong
Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong
Labels: B im sorry..
what we could have been, 4:29 PM.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
IM SOO SORRY.I WISH YOU CAN LOVE ME..
my appointment have changed date and time as ii can't make it on 23.11
ii booked my appointment on 10/12/2009. @1.30pm.
im sorry to Only Boyfriend and Joker Boy-friend.ii know both of you really..
care and concern about me and my life.but please at least let me have my wish.
please don't stop me from doing it hao mah.?if what im asking for was too much..
im here to say sorry to you both.if ii can't make it through the "A" im sorry.
im willingly to take my life and risk this time.ii guess its worthy ba.just to fulfill my wish.
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To : Only Boyfriend
if ii can't make it out of that op room please take good care of yourself.
believe that im just beside you alright.?believe that im still there for you.
ii will be there when you call out for me.but ii wish to see you moving on with life.
don't because of me give up your whole forest alright.?i know you will.
believe me this last time..i love you deeply.im sorry for our past.ii don't mean it.
ii miss holding your long hands.
ii miss hugging your fitfit body.
ii miss talking to you.
ii miss kissing your lips.
ii miss biting your hand.
ii miss seeing your smile.
ii miss hearing your voice.
ii miss your everything like past..
Labels: thank you...
what we could have been, 1:07 AM.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
WHY IS EVERYONE GOING FOR THAT FASTER WAY?
ii know the longer ii drag will be more and more risky for my life.
but no one knows all ii want was to have a photo of it soo that ii could keep.
no one knows how much im hopping for it.ii don't ask for permission to "B"
but at least let me have a chance to get something that ii can keep for it.
ii know you scare my life will be on the risk.but ii believe ii wont die that early.
ii know the longer im dragging the more it will be going.ii know what your want.
but who can fucking understand my real feeling!the real thing im begging for!?
im not asking to keep it.all im asking for was a chance to see it.that's all.
ii don't need to keep it..because ii have lot of reason for not keeping.
i wants to go back schooling life.and get my cert.
i want a better future for myself and you.
if your out i don't know what i can give you..
i love my life now.im happy with everything now too.
ii don't want any change to it.so friends and parents please give me a chance.
ii get what ii want ii will give it up can..?
PLEASE STOP FORCING ME TO CHOOSE OR THINK ANYMORE!
MY BODY CAN'T TAKE THE STRESS ANYMORE...
Labels: STOP STRESSING ME
what we could have been, 1:06 AM.
IM MISSING YOU SOO BADLY!
ii wish your just here with me.accompany me throughout my day!
ii wish you wasn't in army when ii know you first..ii wish your all mine!
ii hope to know you while your in your school life :( but its hard to turn back.
soo can only wait till you end your army life and we can have a wonderful life!
ii will be looking forward to 2010 year :) soo that ii could go dinner with you!
and we could wear nicenice to that party!wooots!
just hope weekend could hurry arrive!don't wanna keep counting down days!
want you hurry come to my side!well my "Joker Boy-friend" fall sick le :(
he got himself food poisoning!aiyo!please take care of yourself while in camp ok?
hmmm actually im still kinda worry for him because he was vomiting and running toilet.
hope he will drink lot and lot of water alright.?see you this coming weekend if you can.
im going off to watch tv le.im missing my guy!who knows he's sleeping le.
but nevermind sleep tight then.and sleep well alright.?goodnight!!
Labels: missing you tons~
what we could have been, 1:04 AM.
NOT FEELING WELL AGAIN AND AGAIN!
why was it always me who's not feeling well!?why!?
i wish to have a better health!but can i?NO i guess~
"Lucky Boy-friend" went home around 4.30pm plus~thanks!
love your company you know that for sure right?muackx!
well ii know you don't bear to let me be alone and wait for whole week.
but what can we do.?we can only wait and can only count down..
see you next week then.i will miss you tons~bet you will miss me too!
im going off to rest!feel soo xinku you know :(
vomited and keep running toilet :(what's happening!HELP!
Labels: i hate being soo sick~
what we could have been, 1:03 AM.
